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A Pun Aff

Author: Linda Stewart

Standing in line a, feeling of dread,

My mind racing, should I have had the bread?

The wine, the curry, the crisps and the chocolate,

My hands clenched tight in my pocket.

Four people in front of me, my breath becomes deep,

The cakes, the biscuits, I ate by the heap,

That sugar obsession, I crave most days,

Try and get the lockdown weight aff for my holidays.

Three now waiting, the queue is going down,

Now I remember the McDonalds after my night out in town,

And then full fat Irn-Bru to give me a boost,

Wish it had been sugar-free and calorie-reduced.

Two more to go, then it’s me,

Wished I’d stuck to the lettuce and the herbal tea,

But that makes life boring, I need an excitement of flavour,

Drank loads of water, maybe that’ll be my saviour.

One more now and then it’s my turn,

Did I eat more calories than I burned?

Oh, shit (or no)! I remember that massive cupcake,

When I met my pal for coffee, 'I need to give myself a break',

Now it’s me, I hand over my card

'How’s your week been?' Maybe I’ll get barred?

Step on the scales, what is my fate?

She smiles, 'a pun aff' and I dance to celebrate!