Please note: this piece contains descriptions some readers may find upsetting.
I have been an addict for the last 16 years. Since the age of 16, my life has been chaotic. The lifestyle I had been living was very dangerous and I have put myself in some absolutely horrible situations. I was caught up in madness, constantly living in fear and not knowing what the next day was going to bring. I had no structure or routine to my day. Just waking up each morning worrying where I was going to get my next £20 from to get my fix so I could function and get on with my day.
My addiction to heroin progressed very quickly and I was dependent on it. I lost all my morals and respect for anyone. Most importantly, I lost all respect for myself. I stopped caring about my appearance, let my self-care go, didn’t care what anyone thought about me. I started committing crimes to fund my habit. All I wanted was my next charge and would do anything in my power to get it. My lifestyle started leading me down a really dark road.
Family members cut contact with me because nothing they could say or do would help me. I was very selfish and only cared about myself. I started getting the jail through my addiction. My life got so bad that I ended up enjoying being inside because I had structure to my day and felt safe. I became institutionalised and could not live life in the outside world. I used to always promise my family that I was going to change, and things would be better this time, but it was all lies. I was only kidding myself on. I wasn’t ready to change or stop using drugs. I was too caught up in it.
I got released from prison one day and took a charge and overdosed. If it weren’t for Naloxone I would have died. This made me think, this is serious and the last thing I want is my death, but nothing changed, I kept on using. I ended up overdosing another 3 times. This had a big impact on my family, and I could see the pain I was causing, especially to my mum. They tried to get me into rehab but I wasn’t ready. If I had come off it then it would have been for the wrong reasons, to keep my family happy. I kept going down the road to death, constantly using which led me to getting a leg abscess, I was close to losing my leg. This scared me a lot and made me think I must change my life quick before it’s too late. I spoke to a drug worker and asked if I could get into rehab, I felt ready, I wanted it so bad. So, they fought me to get a place at Phoenix and I took it.
I am currently 90 days clean and finish my programme in 4 weeks. I feel in a really good place and am ready to take on the world and live a healthy positive life free from alcohol and drugs.
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