When I was young, and desperate to delay a chore or schoolwork, my mother's favourite response was 'Tomorrow never comes'. I didn't understand it as a child, I would just roll my eyes and admit defeat. Of course tomorrow comes, I would think, but knew that arguing was a fruitless endeavour.
As I have grown older, however, I have started to appreciate my mother's wisdom and the sentiment that underpinned her frequent reply.
Tomorrow does, indeed, never come. Life is a series of 'today' followed by 'today', and delaying things is usually a waste of what precious time we have.
I used to plan. I used to dream of the future as a specific point in time at which I would have achieved my goals and have the life I wanted. This was easy to do as a child, when the future seemed as far away and full of boundless possibility as a trip to the moon. I knew what I wanted to study, I knew where I wanted to live, I knew what kind of difference I would make to the world.
Except, of course, I didn’t know. I hoped. When adulthood and the reality of life hit me, I quickly realised the difference and how little control I actually had.
I am an idealistic person. I have voted in every election I could, I have marched and protested against war and injustice, I have devoted time to helping others and making their lives easier and their futures brighter. I believe in people and even at this moment, when the world feels frightening and controlled by those who value their self-interest above the lives of the people they are supposed to represent, I still believe that the future can and will be better. I believe the things that need to change can change if people listen to each other and help one another and challenge those in power to be better. On a global scale I am optimistic about the future. I have to be.
On a personal level, though, I cannot think that far ahead. My own future is not something I plan for anymore. Everytime I have felt settled and on the right path, life has thrown an obstacle at me and sent me veering off course. Losing loved ones, the end of relationships, mental health difficulties, and even recently a global pandemic! Whenever I have gotten comfortable with the way my future was unfolding, life has reminded me that nothing can be taken for granted and 'the future' is not something that is guaranteed for everyone. All of the planning in the world cannot account for the way that grief changes you. No goal you set is so concrete that depression cannot sweep it aside like a wave to a sandcastle. You cannot keep all of your promises.
This sounds like a pessimistic view of life, but for me it is the opposite. I have finally embraced my mother’s saying, and try to be conscious of its meaning. I use it as a rallying cry, like 'carpe diem'. I no longer agonise over the path I am on, or compare myself with the me I imagined I’d be by now. Rather, I value each day. I try to be present in the moment, both for myself and for the people I care about. The future will happen regardless, and I will continue to adapt accordingly. For now though, I am happy to admit that my mother was right, and do my best to live each 'today' as it comes.