Grief came to visit today.
I kent it was them as soon as they chapped the door,
'In you come,' I called, gathering oose on the couch like a half chewed wham bar, 'Doors open.'
We’re getting pretty pally, grief and I, but then it has been a while now, all this toing and froing, in and oot of each other’s houses.
You could almost say we’re best pals – but no’ quite. Coz let’s be honest, grief’s a bit of an arsehole.
They’re always turning up when I’m right in the middle of something, and when we first met I couldnae get oot the bit for them! Swanning around, making a mess, always wanting to talk about the one thing – and one thing only. I was knackered!
But… ach.
We’ve come to an understanding, grief and I. Coz, you see, grief “gets” me.
They ken I’m afraid.
Afraid to forget.
Afraid to let go.
Afraid to move on.
Grief understands all of that, so aye, sometimes I let them in. Let them wrap me in a comfort blanket. It’s not a healthy relationship, but then neither is my relationship with the fridge and at least grief keeps me away fae that. It is what it is.
So. Aye.
We stuck the tunes on and talked about you.
The good times.
Mind that time in Aberdeen when you came over for the rave? We went looking for a place to eat on the prom and I saw this Chinese place?
'Sizzling wok?' I asked 'What’s that?'
And without so much as a flinch or moment to… think! You replied,
'Jonathan Ross’s favourite music.'
Grief reminded me just how many laughs there were with you!
So many good times.
Sizzling Wok.
That was you to a tee.
Grabbing folk by the funny bone and reeling them in.
I never told you, but it gave me hope. Hope that the situation I found myself in wouldn’t last forever, there was actually someone out there who wanted to make me laugh.
You gave me so few memories, yet so much hope.
I’m okay now.