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Reflection

Author: Susi Briggs
Year: Hope

It took me years tae get her tae see sense. That man had dulled her hearin fer far too lang. He had Maggie conveenced she wis glaiket, ugly and had nocht tae offer. He stood in Maggie’s road ony chance he could get. She could neer get far. It wis like Maggie had an invisible rubber band roon her waist. She wid get sae far and the resistance wid catapult her richt back and doon again.

Can ye believe how hard it wis fer me tae watch her dim that magnificent licht o hers? Aye ye see it skinklan noo – but it wis hidden fer a lang time.

Yin day she finally heard ma vyce screamin intae her lug ower and ower, ‘It’s duin! It’s duin Maggie!” I dragged her oot o the wreckage, her hert wis heavin sair fer a love that should hae been. She had nae idea that I hae been cradling her hert aw her life. I kent it widna be easy and I had tae keep a close ee on her. I thocht I wid hae ma work cut oot healin Maggie but she wis guid at listenin. There wis a day she telt me that she wisna gan tae let another livin soul dim her licht. I kent she meant ilka word!

Ye see, Maggie had a strang sense that she could manifest what she needed. It wis an airt form fer sumdy that had left hame wi juist the claes on her back. Maggie kens hoo tae turn the pain intae something pretty.

I show her whaur her curves are. Maggie had them hidden. I tell her they are gorgeous and are meant tae be there. Maggie still fechts the urge tae hide them though. Auld habits tak a lang time tae dee.

I am fair prood that Maggie kens when tae walk awa fae storms that ither fowk summon. She disna ey listen but she can get hersel oot o them fast when she notices. She kens whaur the safe harbours are. I whisper in her ear an mak her laugh. When we play in the shaddies thegither she's gallus and bold.

Hauf her life wis taen up wi domestic chores, workin jobs she didna much care fer and makin excuses fer stayin still. Maggie thocht she wid neer be aw the things she wanted tae be but she is catchin up noo.

It’s been a sair fecht and ma voice wis muffled fer years. I kept tryin tae tell her and warn her o hings but she couldna ey hear me. Sae I wid send messages in aw mainner o weys. I wid leave her a bird’s feather or play a sang on the radio. I wid dae aw kins o hings tae get her attention. I wid whisper my message intae the lugs o strangers fer them tae say it tae her. She wid tak the mindings and words and keep them safe like treasur.

Yin desperate nicht when Maggie wis at her wits end she had ran oot barefit and intae the sklentin rain. That nicht Maggie wis close tae gien up awthegither but fer the wirds that rang oot in her lugs that an auld wifie had telt her, “Ey look fer the stars in the puddles.” Maggie sat drookit on the park bench. She didna move til she saw the stars skinklan back at her in the deep wet glaur at her feet. She didna gie up.

Maggie has ey felt the desperate need tae flee awa when things get ower much. No tae dee. But tae just flee oot o here and intae the liminal tae float awhile. Jist til things stap hurting sae bad.

I show her hoo tae tenderly pluck oot they broken shairds in her identity that ettle her. They mak her want tae submit tae notions that she is nae worthy o great things. I whisper gently tae her, ‘Dinna let the daurkness win ower yer licht.’ ilka day without fail.

I strinkle trails o glitter on the path aheid so that Maggie can daunce forrit intae a life that she wants and deserves. Maggie disna ey think she deserves aw that glitter but I say she dis. Aw folk deserve that skinklan path tae walk.

Maggie’s hurt maistly shrouds her at nicht when the busy noise o the day settles intae silence. That’s when the soond o the angry vyces and broken plates comes back tae her. The slammin o the door and the threats. The recurring lie that she wis ey the yin tae blame for aw the anguish. The soond o the thud as she hits the flair again and again.

Maggie hears the swell o the love inside her. The hert’s love that got dammed up behin invisible waws. There were fowk that she loved that had despised her fer leavin. Maggie neer wanted sides tae be taen. Aw she wanted wis peace and tae no feel sae broken aw the time.

I held Maggie on these daurkest nichts as she gret intae the pillae. I telt her ‘It taks time Maggie. This love yer haudin isna wasted. It will get better. It has tae.” I whisper the soothin words “Howp and ken” ower and ower.

No lang ago the waws fell and the dam burst. That love has somewhaur tae gan noo. They are healing. Maggie disna greet as much onymair.

Maggie kens that I’m the yin that gaithers in the love offered fae fowk when she disna think she is worthy. I gaither it aw in and yaise ribbons o her licht tae weave it aw thegither intae a magnificent croon. I haud on tae it fer her til she is ready tae receive it.

I ken when she is ready. I ken she can see me. We huv ey been yin an the same.

Maggie gazes deeply intae her een in the mirror and smiles at me. She caws me Diva.