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Author: Elaine Kelly
Year: Hope

Please note: this piece contains descriptions some readers may find upsetting.

Hope. I used to have lots of it. Along with dreams, aims and goals. I hoped I would pass my exams, get a good job, meet a loving partner, buy a nice house and have children. I hoped I would be happy.

But life doesn't conform to any one person's schedule, and it shouldn't, Where's the fun in that? It is also an opportunity to learn and grow. So my life changed...and so did my hopes.

I hoped my partner would go back to being the beautiful guy I fell in love with. I hoped he wasn't drunk again tonight. I hoped he was drunk enough that he just fell asleep. I hoped I didn't get beat up tonight. I hoped none of the neighbours phoned the police back out. I hoped I wasn't hanging around the hospital waiting room for hours again this weekend. I hoped and prayed for courage and strength.

A broken soul, anxiety, depression, self loathing, self medicating and a complete nervous breakdown. I had abandoned all hope...but hope never left me!

And again my life changed.

Today I hoped the weather would be nice so I could walk along the beach with my daughter and our dog. I hoped none of the beautiful shells and quartz we collected got broken in the bottom of my bag because I can't wait to use them in my next art project. I hoped I wasn't late for my college class, I didn't want to miss anything, I'm loving my course. I hope I get the chance to chat to everyone at drumming later and hope I get to jump in the circle and show off my new skills.

Hope. There is always hope.