You're Never Too Old to Make a New Friend!

I’ve never been terribly good at making friends, and it’s a difficult thing to share about yourself. The friendships I have are like valued treasures I’ve managed to pick up along life’s journey. I’m always incredibly impressed when people say they have maintained friendships from nursery or primary school. As my family moved around a bit when I was young, I lost touch with primary school friends, partly because in those days, keeping in touch was done mostly by letter and the occasional strictly-rationed phone call! But in truth, a lot of losing touch with childhood friends and then later friends from adulthood was purely down to me and my complete lack of self-confidence. This has manifested itself in all sorts of negative ways: feeling that a little of me goes a long, long way, and not wanting to sicken people by seeing too much of or hearing too much from me, and why on earth would anyone want to be friends with me in the first place? I would also worry about not being interesting enough, feeling I needed to have done something remarkable or been away somewhere exciting to give me an excuse to make contact. I realise now that’s all complete rubbish and that if I spoke to a friend the way I spoke to myself, I’d be dropped instantly! Sometimes, the hardest friendship to make and maintain is with yourself.

Despite my nagging self-doubts, I have managed to maintain a few great friendships over the years, and they mean the world to me. I’ve two friends from high school, two from college, and friends I’ve made through work and places we’ve stayed. Not being the world’s best at making friends, I feel if I can make even one friend from every stage of life, I’m quite pleased with that!

I’d always thought it would be even harder to make friends the older I got, that I’d become even more unsociable and that everyone else would already be ‘spoken for’ and not be looking to make any new additions to their bank of friends, but I’ve actually found the opposite to be true. In between lockdowns, my husband (who thankfully also happens to be my best friend!) and I moved to Helensburgh. He comes from Helensburgh originally, so it had always been our plan to move back here when we retired. It’s a great wee town where lots of retirees like us or other ‘blow-ins’ move to, principally because it’s a nice place to be. After the COVID-19 restrictions lifted and things started up again, I hit the ground running as there were so many local causes to get involved in and special interest groups to join. Despite not being able to sing, I’d always wanted to be in a choir, so joining one was the first activity on my list, and instantly, I had a connection to over 40 people! Having an interest in common is definitely a good starting point for any friendship. I’ve joined so many groups since coming here, and now I know lots of people. Many like myself are in quite a few groups, and so there’s a lot of overlapping. It would finally be a great use for Venn diagrams to express all that interconnectedness! It’s great when I go into the town centre and bump into people I know, it gives me a really nice feeling of belonging. My husband jokes with me, asking ‘well who did you see in town today?’ and if I don’t reel off a list of names as I haven’t bumped into anyone, I’ll act all mock-indignant and say ‘what else is there that I need to join, I don’t seem to know anyone in this town!’

We are also especially lucky in Helensburgh to have an amazing place called Jean’s Bothy, a community mental health and well-being hub, which anyone can join, where there is a huge variety of activities you can take part in or you can just go there to chat over a cuppa and in time friendships blossom. It’s an incredibly supportive place where anyone is welcome, and it has made a huge difference to me and how I see myself. There you can be yourself, if you don’t feel great, there’s no pretending, just support and understanding. I know there are a few similar places in Argyll & Bute and elsewhere like Jean’s Bothy, and I hope wherever you live, there is somewhere like that you can go. Every town needs a Jean’s Bothy!

Also, for the first time in my life, I’m now part of a gang - I was never cool enough at school to be invited to join one! Seven of us moved to Helensburgh at about the same time, and we met through various connections and have become firm friends. We call ourselves the ‘Hel’s Belles’, which sounds like we get up to all sorts of mayhem, but in actuality, we just meet regularly for tea and cake and a chat - exactly what friends are for! With a gang name like ‘Hel’s Belles’, we sound like trouble, but the only trouble we get into is of a very mild nature when we stay too long chatting in cafes and are encouraged to either get a fresh round of tea and cakes in or let someone else have our table! It has also been good getting to know each other and giving the very briefest summary of our lives to date, as after all, who you were in the past isn’t really that relevant; people are making friends with the person you are now.

I hope my little ramble there has proved that you are never too old to make new friends. We need friends at every stage in life, and even if you are lonely now, things can change. Don’t let anything like age or self-doubt put you off - we all need friends, and friendship can find you anywhere and at any time!