Fingal: My Friend, My Son, My Heart.
Fingal, you matter. Never forget that.
From WhatsApp threads (excerpts of chats.)
9th March
(Group chat with siblings):
Cosima: Hi, all. Sorry to dump this on here but I think that (most of) you are awaiting an update, and I can't keep on top of the phone-calls...
Cosima: Fingal has left home, and the island. He's on the plane to the mainland as we speak. He has accommodation booked for 2 nights, a friend to stay with for the rest of the week, and a holiday (21st celebrations with a friend) booked in for mid-week, the following week. His plan is logical – he’s looking for work & longer-term accomms. - and his motivation is admirable - yet the circumstances leave us with enormous concerns, indeed terror. I don't know if I'll ever see him again. All prayers welcome
Matthias: Oh Cosima, so sorry to hear that. Tough as a parent but we equally wish him courage to land on his feet
Cosima: I can only hope - and pray - that he lets his head continue to control his actions - that's what's driving him today- particularly when things don't go as he hopes and / or expects.
Fiona: Oh Cosima, sending all our love. We're always here for you all x
Cosima: he still has the safety-net of a return flight home and knows that there is no shame in accepting help, admitting defeat in anything that is trial and error, and returning home, any time, even if only temporarily.
Veronica: We have no words, but we’re here to help in any way you may need. Love, xxxx
Cosima: Also (as you will have gathered from the kids’ chat) Sorley’s away with the band on the mainland - a biggie Scottish Schools pipe band comp - Bald's with them. Tough for him not being here (and being in charge of a busload of teenagers, on a v. tight travel schedule), but is trying to meet with Fingal, over there.
Earlier that day….
Fingal was up for most of the night (and mostly still drunk…) as was I – alert and on edge.
After hearing him arrive home, around 12.15am, I finally fell asleep, only to wake with a start an hour later – hearing his footsteps (shoes back on) going out…. I jumped out of bed and followed him outside. He’d gone out for a smoke, very agitated, nervy, drunk and was staring at messages on his phone (What were those messages? Which had made him get up again, when so drunk? What had happened that he wouldn’t / couldn’t tell me, this time?). I asked him where his car was. Answer: left at pub, and why? A: he’d had a drink… several, by the look of him.
19th March - WhatsApp thread with Fingal (prior to his planned holiday / birthday celebrations):
Cosima: Please promise me that you won't indulge in anything more than alcohol...?
Fingal: Okay
Cosima: The money lessons are one thing – there are many things you'll learn, in time, please err on the side of caution - BUT your health must always be your top priority. And your willpower. It's yourself that you need to prove it to, that you can do things solo (and in the company of friends!) whilst keeping your own control - no substances, ever, it can never lead to any good, for you, only short-lived, temporary fix.
Cosima: Please know that I have no wish to interfere, nor influence, any of your plans or decisions - you have to learn that for your yourself and keep a focus on your priorities - but also know that if I ever feel that your health (or safety) is at risk, then that's the point I will intervene. It's my duty, as your mother, and comes entirely out of love, and respect for you. That's where communication (honesty, and trust) comes in - we ask that you're truthful with us, in good times or bad, so that we can re-build the trust. Have a wonderful time, my precious boy, and never doubt that I'm wishing you well, thinking of you, and sending all of my love x
Over the past 10 days, since abruptly leaving home, (and several disclosures later):
Siblings’ chat:
Cosima: Just spoken with Fingal! Yes, he needed money (to get tube to you, Fiona - can't use cash) and yes, because Bald told him to, but nevertheless so precious!
Cosima: hope nobody minds me putting updates on here, but I know you're all keen for any news...?
Cosima: He's checked out of this (2-night) accomms. in the city centre, and moved on to his friend's flat, as planned. He's signed up for accreditation ('ticketing') course for his necessary health and safety card(s) for labouring on building sites, and got a 'maybe' 2-week trial with employer on a site - waiting to hear back from him atm. Assuming he's being truthful - sorry, but suspicion and doubt have become the norm to me - he's keeping it together, and got his wise hat on (for now) - lots of praise dished out! @Sinead he's every intention of being with you for supper, just hoping he doesn't get waylaid.
Veronica: Heartfelt thanks for the update, Cosima. I’m thinking about you all the time, wanting to call, but knowing that it’s not the moment just now! It’s sooo uplifting to read your words ❤️❤️❤️
Cosima: I don't mean to script any of your conversation, Fiona, but it might be good to reinforce the support chain, on the mainland? Xxx
Matthias: Is it too black humour to say that I misread this as '...budgeting whisky'?
Cosima: not at all - my humour has become a far deeper shade of dark!
in good spirits...
Fingal, you matter. Never forget that.