There are three times in my life when I needed my friends. The first was when I took a gap year after sixth form, the second was when I lost an election at university and the third was when I lost my first job. You see, these three times really exposed the people in my corner and people who were happy for my downfall. Prior to these three times, I was living large – going on holiday, getting good grades, throwing lavish birthday parties and more. Of course many people flocked to me during this period. But in my time of isolation, rejection and FOMO that's when I knew who my true friends were. I am going to go through each time step by step and hopefully each period would give any reader some understanding on what true friendship is.
I took a gap year after sixth form by choice. I got an offer to study at my first-choice university but declined because I was so good at photography and fashion whilst in school that I wanted to spend a year pursuing my dream side gig of working in the fashion industry. After sixth form, I also got offers from corporate firms but said no even though they were offering amazing perks such as accommodation, great salary and a good social life. I decided to take up a customer service job at Sainsbury’s part-time so I could see what life in the fashion industry would look like.
Simultaneously, everyone I knew had moved on to Higher Education, had made new friends and were studying what they were passionate about. I, on the other hand, was working at Sainsbury’s, young, naive and trying to navigate how to enter the fashion world. I had moved away from home alone into the big city and was so lonely. I had no friends nearby, no social life and nothing exciting happening in my life. I posted a lot of sad Snapchat stories and some friends saw and were happy with the fact that my life was not as it once was. However, I had a friend from primary school who now lives in America and who was doing an internship in Europe. She came all the way to London to spend some time with me whilst I tried to navigate this uncertain period in my life. I had another friend who invited me for a fashion show and introduced me to some people in the fashion industry. Lastly, I had a third friend who organised a photoshoot for me for free. Whilst all my friends saw me as someone who was not serious about life or not going to become anything tangible, these people supported my dreams and that lay the foundation for me on what a true friend is. This season taught me that a true friend is not a person that is there when things are going well, but a true friend is there when things are going bad. My fashion career did not work out, but I ended up working that gap year part-time and I learnt tangible skills like how to be a leader, empathy, responsibility and independence.
The second time I needed my friends was during my undergraduate studies. You see when I was at university, I threw so many parties and attended so many parties. I had a lot of friends but when there was an election within our student union. I had a friend that I liked a lot who whispered in my ear that I was too confident, and I should tone down my mantra. Because I liked my friend so much and thought he wanted the best for me during the election I toned down my mantra and gave a very basic description of what I could do for our society. Of course, I did not win the election as I was not giving my very best. Now all those people that went for my party and treated me normally started to avoid and insult me because I lost a student union election. I ended up reapplying to another position within the committee and put my best shot and ended up winning the election but after that I felt like all my friends saw me as a failure. So far that they thought the reason for my first gap year was because I did not get admission to the university which I turned down. It got so bad that these people that once treated me normally started to verbally insult me and make me feel like I was inferior.
In this moment, I felt like Great Gatsby who threw lavish parties but when something bad happened everyone I considered my friend disappeared. This second time when I needed a friend to tell me I am worth more than an election and not to distance themself from me taught me that family is everything and one should prioritise their family over casual friendships.
The last time I needed my friends was when I lost my first job. I was still feeling the effects of being insulted and treated badly by people from my university after losing that election. I did not feel confident in my abilities even though I have achieved so much in my life such as moving away from home at a very young age and completing an undergrad and Master's degree. I had people waiting for my downfall saying: 'if she can't win a university election, she cannot keep a job!' Because I lost my job, a lot of friends started deleting pictures of me and them on social media, some unfollowed me and others distanced themselves from me. But the true ones, came for sleep overs at my house, took me out for night outs and sat with me at saloons as I tried to make myself feel better. This third time taught me you don't need a lot of friends in life; quality trumps quantity in friendships.