The Secret Signs of Friendship

We arrived approximately 14 years ago in our third Scottish city. We had first lived in the wet wild west, where we were promised only 5 days of sunshine and joggers could be spotted no matter the weather. There, they told you their life stories within minutes of meeting you. Then, we spent a few years in the cold north, where buildings alternated between gleaming silver and grey drudgery depending on the mood of the skies. Up there, one can easily feel out of place without a personalised car number plate. Now, we make our home in the windy east, where the population doubles in August every year, and half its inhabitants sound English. Here, I can pretend to be either a tourist or a resident, depending on who or what surrounds me at the time. I was determined that this would be our last stop, so we could finally change the colour of our carpets and bang nails into walls, for I was tired of moving. But I was even more tired of having to make new friends.

It turns out, I did not have to worry. In fact, I never had to try too hard. I should have learnt by now; at each new place, there are folk who celebrate our differences, share our highs and lows, folk we can be vulnerable with, and those with whom we can just do life together. Folks who want to be your friends will be your friends.

Like the mum at the school gate who would not give up in her pursuit of a morning walk with me after dropping the kids off, even when I had texted ‘sorry not free’ on several occasions. (We have been on numerous wonderful walks to date!) Like the neighbour who takes out our bins and remembers our sons’ birthdays. Like the family who once lived across the road but have now moved to a different street, yet continue to organise meet-ups and coffee dates. Like the boy who went to nursery with my boy, we shared school runs with his mum and grandpa all the way up to primary school.

I have yet to change my carpets. My partner is still terrified of putting a nail into a wall, even though we are now the landlords. We still stick out from the average household living in our area. Our black-brown hair and milk-chocolate skin give us away! But despite differences, folk have embraced us, and call us friends.

So, here is my (short)list of ‘The Secret Signs of Friendship’:

• Our plants and trees get watered and fed when we are away on holiday

• Kids come in to use our facilities when they live just across the road

• The neighbour’s dog would choose to sit in our back garden every Saturday afternoon and refuse to go home for its supper

• Folks come round regularly to borrow our ladder and lawn mower

• When we cannot find our children at dinnertime, it is almost certain they are hanging out at a friend’s place up the road.

• Everyone replies instantly with a “thumbs-up” emoji to a ‘mulled wine mince pie party’ when I annually send out last-minute invitations.

In truth, if I were to keep listing, the bulk of it would be stories of the mundane, the everyday, and the ordinary. And this only makes me think how the secret signs of friendship are simply quite remarkable, special, and extraordinary.