Walking along the wet sand was never comfortable. I gasp as the cold, damp sand shifts beneath my feet. The waves drifting in and out are bloody freezing and sand fleas jump around our toes between steps. Sometimes the desperate need to hop over stinking, slimy seaweed causes a laugh as one of us inevitably falls over, after yanking an arm in the guise of helping.
All of this didn't seem to matter. There is magic in the soft, pounding rhythm of our feet walking in unison with the waves. Time passes in a way we never predicted and without realising, we are miles from where we started. Shielding our eyes from the sun, we marvel at our long trail of footsteps left behind us in the sand. Secrets are shared. Jokes are told. A bit of gossip here and there. Sighs of frustration, or gulps between sobs. I can always make her laugh, even through tears. Reminding her of all the ridiculous scrapes I got her out of, usually helped. She was the one who impulsively leapt in with both feet, while I was more cautious. Thick as thieves, together we found our first flats, first jobs and first dates that turned into husbands. Memories of a lifetime, crammed into an instant.
Walking together, we both knew these snatched moments were special. Time we selfishly grabbed for ourselves, even though others were always vying for it. Real life was put on hold. For a brief moment, we are not mothers, daughters or wives. We are old friends. The setting sun warms our backs as we reveal our hidden dreams and greatest worries, interrupted by gushes of laughter with eyes meeting. Words tumble out as quickly as the white horses in the sea. Judgements were never on the table, just trust. She knew exactly the right thing to say. The right way to make me believe in myself. She always said that we were living parallel lives. Each in our own homes, doing the same mundane chores, cooking dinner or saying the same inane sentences at work, even though we were far apart. There is strength in numbers. She said to look up at the stars at night and remember that she was seeing the very same stars as me. Whenever I felt lost, or overwhelmed, she's be watching that same bright star.
Of course, our walks eventually had to come to an end. Children were hungry, diaries were busy. Annoying texts ping loudly in our pockets. In our hearts we always wished for just a tiny bit more time. The sun had set and life was calling. With a final embrace we'd exclaim how good it was to see each other and vow to do it again soon. Driving away she was always smiling as I waved goodbye. Our hearts were full once more.
If I could do it all again, I would forget the plans in the diary, the noisy texts and ask the children to wait. Life is funny that way. Special moments are never appreciated until they are gone. Time was not something she had in the end. Cancer took her. It took her smile, her laughter and her life. The beach is where I remember her most. The sun still sets and the waves still flow in and out but my friend is no longer here. My dearest confidant, my most cherished friend. Every day I wear a treasured necklace with a star hanging from a silver chain. A shining reminder of our firsts and lasts.
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