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Ballast

Author: Nicole Carter

I lose time, hours pass

As I sit alone, thoughts whirring

Hard thoughts, concrete

That weighs me down

My head, my body

Heavy, no control

Like I’m being sucked into quicksand

Can’t get out

No escape from the terror

Flashbacks that

Repeat, repeat

In my head

Then, at last

Someone I know phones me

Jerking me into 'The Now'

I tell her all about it

She tells me her troubles too

We say we are there for each other

Then we talk about cool stuff

Everyday stuff

Like how I finally washed my dishes

The great new tune I heard on the radio

The live music gig she is going to soon

Her new boyfriend

I feel my head lifting, my posture improves

I unfurl from my foetal position

I feel 'normal' again

Then, I check my phone

56 minutes have passed

So, I quickly finish on another positive note

I tell my friend my usual joke

'Why are Pirates called Pirates?'

Used to this she sighs 'oh no, not again'

I say 'Because they just AAAaarrrr'

I always have to say it properly

Like in the Pirate films

We laugh and feel lighter

It works every time

We say goodbye

Lost time I actually enjoyed