Abacus Befriending Calculator

Almost my whole life since childhood, I’ve
been so painfully aware that I
couldn’t cope with others
depending on me because I don’t
engage in the ways I suppose and presume
friends should. But, still in little
groups, I try to climb the
huge mountains to meaningful
interaction. Though somehow it seems I
just can’t flick the abacus beads fast enough to
kickstart calculations in my brain,
leveraging those logistics for
myself. I struggle with
negotiating my emotions and
overcoming all those invisible
personal walls to manufacture
qualities which seem as if they’re
requirements for
satisfying
the level of
understanding, and the
values I must demonstrate
whilst my emotions feel as inert as
xenon gas – that we were taught about in school –
yet still, somehow I’m happily befriended by the human
zoo around me.