Sweet dreams are made of this: A gentle guide to sleep for parents and carers

The language of sleep: Magic and mystery

The words we use to describe sleep often reflect its mysterious, dreamlike quality. Phrases such as ‘falling asleep’ or ‘off to the land of nod’ capture the dramatic contrast from wakefulness to sleep. However, from a neuroscience perspective, far from being passive and 'gone to the world’, this is the time when children’s brains are busy sifting through memories, sorting information absorbed during the day, and making sense of the world around them. With this in mind, here are some tips to ease bedtime for you and your child.

The emotional landscape of bedtime

For your child, bedtime is the most important transition of the day, marking a significant separation from the comfort of familiar surroundings and the secure presence of a caregiver into the unknown world of sleep. This transition can stir deep feelings of anxiety, making it a sensitive time that calls for support and reassurance. The good news is that as a parent or carer, you already hold powerful tools to ease this journey: your physical presence, your face, voice and your relationship with your child. These innate resources, often undervalued, can provide a calming bridge to sleep when used with intention. Before you can support your child’s sleep readiness , it’s helpful to begin with yourself. Pay attention to your own inner state. Your tone of voice, posture, and expressions all communicate safety – or stress. When you are regulated, your child can borrow from your calm state to find their own tranquillity.

The power of shared reading and joint attention

Reading a book together at bedtime offers far more than a simple wind-down activity. It creates a shared emotional space, fostering joint attention – the three-point gaze between child, book and your face. This rhythmic exchange nurtures early symbolisation, helping your child attach meaning and feeling to language. Your face is a rich source of emotional information; using gentle exaggeration in your facial expressions and vocal tone can help your child accurately match words with emotions. As your child shifts focus between the book and your face, their nervous system begins to slow, heart rate decelerates and a sense of calm emerges. This is more than just storytelling – it’s nourishment for the developing brain. Joint attention, along with simple pauses that allow your child to initiate or respond, offers a sensory diet rich in relational nutrients. These moments are foundational to emotional, relational and cognitive development.

Feeling safe: Co-regulation and connection

Each child has their own window of tolerance for separation. In times of stress, illness or transition, the attachment system is triggered, prompting a natural drive to seek closeness. At bedtime – the biggest daily separation – this need often intensifies with children. When a caregiver receives a child’s anxiety with openness, acknowledges it, and gently reflects it back in a soothed, neutralised form, the message becomes clear: Anxiety can be managed. You are safe. I am here. This exchange builds emotional resilience and helps the child internalise the belief that the world is a secure place, even during the separation of sleep.

The unspoken language: Non-verbal cues and comfort

Much of bedtime communication happens without words. Your child reads your expressions, the rhythm of your speech, your breathing, and your overall energy. This is where the intuitive 'parentese' comes in – an instinctive, sing-song tone of voice often used with infants and young children. It is a co-created, emotionally attuned form of communication that instinctively mirrors the musical notes of traditional nursery rhymes. Through this simple, soothing language, your child receives cues of safety, love, and presence. Long before they can name it, they can feel it as it soothes them into sweet dreams.