Robbie Handy's story about Portrait of a Young Man Drowning

When Ah wis 17, Ah'd just left school.Ah wis disillusioned wi education an felt socially isolated.Ah wis expected tae go tae university, but after a breakdown, Ah left school an entered a world o pimps,fast women, drugs an murder.Ma soundtrack wis hip-hop, soul an reggae.Readin books like 'Pimp' by Iceberg Slim an 'Portrait of A Young man Drowning', Ah escaped fae the monotony o life in 1990s Fife.Ma escape wisnae intae a world o wizards, millionaire playboys or superheroes, but intae the killing fields an crack dens o Baltimore, Brooklyn an South Central.
The title wis what first attracted me tae Perry's book, as Ah felt that Ah wis slowly drownin maself, starved o stimulation an options, descendin intae a mental vortex.Ah wis surprised when Ah got intae it though.Perry wis a Black writer, an because o racism, chose tae set his story in the white world o the Brooklyn Mafia. The dialogue is sharp an brutal, infused wi gallows humor that would put 'Goodfellas' tae shame. Harry's naivete is exploited by the hoods, but his bloodlust is fuelled by rage at his social ineptitude, twisted relationships with women, an lack o family support. He takes tae his new trade like a duck tae a bloodstained loch.
The characters, dialogue an descriptions brough me right there, tae the streets o Brooklyn, on the pavement outside the old garage where the hitmen take their orders an then bring the bodies back tae chop up. However, theres loads o Mafia tales, an we're so numbed by overexposure that charaters like Tony Soprano become lovable rogues, their violence is banal, diluted by humour an glamour.
What really shocked me about Perry's book wis his visceral descriptions o Harry's bloody descent tae insanity. As Ah read it, Ah escaped tae the more familiar Mafia world, but wis quicky trapped in the extra-dimensional liminality o Harry's mind, as his psychosis blooms an erupts, an his family, friends an colleagues aw become legitimate targets for his insensate rage.
The book blew ma mind. As ye kin guess, it disnae have a happy endin.What it showed me though, wis the power o the word, the force o imagination. Perry abandons syntax an form, sentences read backwards ,forwards,words reel in loops an fly off the page as mental torment consumes Harry. Bullets an bodies bounce off the paper an intae yer mind.
The book didnae depress me though, it inspired me. It wis a middle finger up tae the world. Ah realised that Ah could start tae write ma way out ma own problems, wi imagination an determination.So, Ah'm sure the end tae ma story will be happier than Harry's.Mebbe some o ma old teachers'll read this. If they do, here's a middle finger tae them!