The Game of Thrones Guide to Management
Game of Thrones fever swept through the Scottish Book Trust office a while ago now, but it took a serious breach of spoiler etiquette - in which one colleague attempted to discuss an incident in Book 3 with another colleague who only had clearance for Book 2 - before a Game of Thrones reading chart appeared in the staff kitchen, onto which you could input your GOT reading and TV-viewing progress. The chart solved our security issue but it also revealed the SBT office is evenly divided along GOT lines: those who do and those who don’t. If you belong to the latter I can only advise you to look away now or risk exposing yourself to some shamelessly indulgent GOT geekiness. But, with a possible 2-year-wait for Book 6 ahead of us, what else are we supposed to do with our time?
So, here it is:
The Game of Thrones Guide to Successful Management
WARNING: The below text may contain spoilers
1. Getting ahead
- Fast-talking can compensate for what you may lack in height.
- Gratuitous violence will secure a middle-management position; calculated violence will take you all the way to CEO.
- If you need to push someone off a cliff, make sure no one's looking.
- If you are going to sleep your way to the top, be discreet.
- In a hostile takeover remember to tie up all loose ends. There are few things more dangerous than an errant board member with a grudge. It is advisable to destroy all employees, including cleaning staff and company goldfish.
- The following people will definitely sell you out at some point: mercenary armies, oath-sworn vassals, old friends, and of course, your own family. Anticipate this, and forward-plan your subsequent revenge accordingly.
- Keep an eye on current trends. The Red God is hot at the moment. You should think about getting on board with that.
- Ditch your honour. It’s the fast-track to an untimely death.
- You can be either the Dothraki or the Lamb People. Not both.
- Never share your game plan.
- If all else fails, get some dragons.
- Remain true to your brand. If your logo is a flayed man flaying should be common practice among senior management.
- Your tagline should also reflect your company values i.e. ‘Winter is Coming’ is probably not the best line for a florist ... whereas a Ski shop would be quids in!
3. Your employees
- Remember, your workforce is everything. You can build an impenetrable wall to keep the Darkness out, but if you don’t staff it with the right people, it’s just a useless lump of rock and ice.
- The undead make a time- and cost-effective workforce, but they are often shambolic and slow witted in nature. Consider using eunuchs instead. They are loyal, tireless, merciless and also in good supply.
- Be prepared to employ multiple people for one role. You will probably require spares.
- Nepotism is the key to a slick and loyal workforce – just don’t arm any of them with crossbows.
- Your Finance Director must be capable. Trustworthy is optional.
- If you need to fire someone, do it yourself. Ensure you finish the job properly – remove their security pass and access codes to prevent their return.
- When the going really gets tough, employ bastards.
4. Office pets
- Pets (particularly of the lupine variety) provide a welcome distraction in the office and can help with minor disciplinary issues.
- Dragons are not pets.
5. Company policy
- Workplace relationships are rarely a good idea.
- To prevent any improper mixing of different social groups, all bastards within your organisation should make themselves known with derivative surnames. E.g.
- Edinburgh – Reekie
- Hull – Submarine
- New York – Skyscraper
- To help clarify roles and responsibilities all surnames should be based on occupation and place of birth. E.g. Michael Vandriver of New York.
- Induction policy states that drowning is mandatory before starting in your new role.
6. And finally
- Always pay your debts
Series Editor: Anna Gibbons
Main Contributors: Beth Bottery, Sasha De Buyl, Sarah Gibbons and Michael Merillo
The Game of Thrones senior management induction course! Includes a complimentary copy of Dragons: the Fast-Track Route to Senior Management (standard RRP £6.99). Early Bird booking rate applies for those reserving a place before Winter comes*
*please note no refund is offered if you do not survive the induction.