Anxiety, Panic, Sadness and Solace All in a Day by Roseann Campbell
I had been out the night before. I had told my Spanish flatmate about the first phone call with a warning from my uncle whilst we played Table Football. I had wanted to go camping that weekend. I had the offer of a free ticket to T in the Park that I was considering taking up that day. I had a slightly forced laugh and I could hear myself talking louder than normal the night before, like something was wrong even though nothing and everything was at that moment. I had wanted to go crazy. I had woken up several nights that week not knowing where I was, not recognising my own bedroom. I had wanted to have fun in a large group of friends and tell jokes and laugh out loud like I didn’t care. But now I lay in my bed with my head pounding listening to the phone ring.
It rang off.
I rolled over and hugged Samba, my lion teddy bear, tightly, nestling into him for warmth.
The phone rang again. This time, after listening to a few rings for the sounds of someone else going to answer it in the hallway and hearing none, I threw the covers off mercilessly. But I got to the kitchen and it stopped. Pissed off and cold I got into bed again. I lay there for a bit and then scrambled to plug my dead mobile in to charge. It was then that the sense of foreboding overcame me.
As my mobile came to life several missed calls came through from numbers I did not recognise. And then my sister got through.
It was her phoning the house phone, she had been trying to get through to me. She told me to phone my uncle Lawrence. So I did.
Lawrence was calm and articulate as always, he said something like ‘Granddad has suffered a heart attack in the night, he’s not doing very well, you might want to come down and see him.’ I was up and out of bed in a second and put on a dressing gown.
Lawrence told me Sophie, my cousin, was getting on a train down to London and that he had been trying to get through to my Mum and did I have any idea when they were going to be back.
My Mum and Dad were on holiday in Greece. My mum had organised and paid for a two week trip for their 25th anniversary and it was the longest holiday they had had alone since I had been alive. I had no idea when they were going to be back. I worked out that it should be that day, as they had left precisely two weeks ago, but I didn’t know what time they would arrive or what airport they were flying in to. Lawrence said not to worry, that he’d phone my mum and leave a message. Then he gave me Sophie’s number so that I could find out exactly when she was getting on the train. It was 12 o’clock by now.
Sophie had just got on the train.
I phoned my sister, I was coming down I said. She looked up flight and train times and said it would be best to aim to get the next train down in an hour. Ok I said.
I jumped into the shower, my head still pounding, my stomach feeling queasy, my face still covered in the make-up from last night. All I could think about was making the train.
I packed, throwing things around my room, not really thinking about what I needed, how long I would be away for or what I was going to do about work. I left yelling to the Spanish flatmate, who was sitting next door at his computer as usual, to let the rest of my flatmates know that I was ok but I had to go home.
I only just made the train. I had to buy a return ticket on board and the ticket inspector told me that the trains were only going as far as Peterborough and from there replacement busses would see me into London for 7 O’clock. Then, the couple opposite me started to tell me all about the meat they had bought at the Highland Games and would sell on at home. Unsurprisingly as soon as they got off at Berwick-upon-tweed I burst into tears.
Breakfast and lunch came in the shape of a bacon toastie at a huge price but I wolfed it down. Sophie, an hour in front of me, told me on the phone that Shona was going to pick us both up at Peterborough. Happy in this, although I had no idea who Shona was, and leaving my sister, Mum and Dad to whatever course they were going to take I feel asleep listening to Alicia Keys.
I arrived in Peterborough and it was Sam my cousin picking us up. He drove us like a maniac from Peterborough to Basildon hospital in Essex, updating us on what was going on along the way.
Walking into the waiting room was quiet and like a sad version of any family gathering. I hugged and kissed all uncles, aunties, cousins, my grandma, my mum, dad and sister.
It was only on seeing my Granddad that reality hit home. He had turned a slight yellow colour and had a big air tube going into his mouth. But he still managed to ask me if I had cycled down from Scotland and it was this that made me realise that he was happy in coming to the end of a life that he had lived so fully. Watching my Grandma reach to kiss him on the cheek was the saddest bit of it I think. This story is a tribute to the love that they had for each other and the things I have learnt from my Granddad.
